Farewell beloved Earth Mother

Jill Nickalls died this morning. She was an amazing woman loving and welcoming. Her house, and especially her kitchen, was always open to visitors. Her kitchen was so cosy and relaxing with its paintings, overflowing open shelves, AGA and long wooden table you felt you could sit for hours.  Jill always seemed to have something...

Update on grief – the Upward turn

So its nearly five months since Mum died. I thought I would give an update on how things are going. If you remember ages ago I shared the 7 stages of grief. I would guess that now I have reached 5 - the Upward Turn. But it isn't simply a one way journey I do...

Goodbye and Good Riddance to 2017

Wet and cold today in Austin. The sky is pallid grey. The air damp, too lethargic to actually rain. Walking my dog, even hat, coat and scarf are not enough to keep out the cold. My chilled fingers long for the mittens I have misplaced somewhere in the house. Back in the house, while munching...

My mum didn’t believe in god but she did believe in fairies!

My mum didn’t believe in God but she did believe in fairies! It actually works out as a pretty helpful way to view your life. You see she believed in the good fairy and the bad fairy. Though they always turned up in the opposite order like in Sleeping Beauty - first the malevolent destructive...

Flying back for the funeral

I'm sitting in the Admirals Club in Austin Airport with my family. We fly back to the UK in an hour and a half. My husband's frequent flyer miles got us the treat of the first class lounge. Which to my kids delight serves free cookies, fruit and nibbles. Frustratingly single business men take up...

Cancer – 10 lessons learned.

Since I got to back to Texas I find myself waking up everynight around 2 am in near complete darkness with breeze from the fan on my skin and the rumble of my husbands breathing in my ear.  There in the darkness my thoughts are stuck in the 'what if' stage. How could I have...

Biology Help Please

A long time ago my mum was a biology teacher. She was so imaginative in the way she taught it and the creative visual materials she used that she was actually commissioned to write a biology text book. She used the advance from the book to buy our two sailing dingys. But she quickly got...

Tasks of mourning

  The afternoon my mum died I remember saying 'I don't know what to do' Since getting back to Austin that question has stuck with me. I feel too restless to sit still to tired to do anything. I struggle to accept mum has died, partly why I have refused to write anything for her...

Choices: The grave and the sign.

I'm sitting on our new American recliner sofa playing Candy Crush with my 5th cup of coffee of the day (I have been taking coffee almost intravenously for the last few days) when an email flashes up on my iPad. It's from Dad: pictures of the green burial site they have found for mum in...

Wicked Toad

I'm sitting at the kitchen table with my husband and kids eating spaghetti and meatballs that I cooked. It's a favourite meal normally eaten with so much gusto that it is served with paper towells for the inevitable tomato sauce all over your face. My son's face is already decorated in red. 'Delicious' he says...