Its so good to be home: feeling the Texas heat, walking my large smelly labradoodle, chasing the kids through morning routines, watching Netflix on TV next to my husband, setting off the robotic hover, putting the kids washing away, shopping for fruit and bread at HEB.
Its all fine.
Till it gets to 12pm when I normally FaceTime mum. Then I am simply unable to believe she wont answer.
Surely the last two weeks have been a horrible dream? I’m going to wake up anytime now in a cold sweat and then breathe a sign of relief because actually mum is fine. But she isn’t.
I can sit in outside swaying in my hammock chair, prepare my FaceTime face, think about what I will talk about, but when I press the link to call her it will just ring and ring till the automatic message comes up Tamsyn Imison is not available for FaceTime. Hang up or send a message.
I want to type a message- ‘come back mum I need you’ – but I don’t.
I FaceTime my dad instead, his smiley face fills the screen. He’s shopping in the Co-op ‘can he ring me back?’. ‘Fine’ I say. He calls me back 30 mins later from a pub. Hes out having a meal with my sister. Then says he better not talk there. Can he ring me when he gets home? Okay I say.
But it’s not Fine and its not Okay because much as I love his warm beardy face its Mum’s I really want to see.
She was my ultimate home comfort. Always there to talk me through whatever troubles or delights were on my mind. Her absence leaves a gaping hole even here at home in Texas.